Hard to Be the Bard

My days are so busy it's making me dizzy

There's so much I gotta do

There's lunches and meetings and poetry readings

And endless interviews

Gotta pose for a portrait

And how I deplore sitting there for eternity

Then it's off to the inn

Where my innkeeper friend

Wants to name a drink after me

Then it's back to my room, where I resume

My attempt to write a hit

Just me and my beer and the terrible fear

That I might be losing it

And it's hard,

It's hard

It's hard,

It's hard

It's really hard

So very very hard

It's really hard

Very very hard

I make it look easy but honey believe me

It's hard

It's hard

It's hard,

It's hard

It's so incredibly hard

So inconceivably, unbelievably hard

It's hard to be the bard

Honestly, I don't know how I do it.

There's only so much of me to go around.

I've got so many fans

With so many demands

I can hardly go take a piss

He can't pee

Be it theater-freak or

The autograph-seeker

They all want a piece of this

Gimme, Gimme

It's a cross that I bear,

I'm like Jesus, I swear

It's a burden but I suffer through it

He is suffering

It's all part of the game,

The trappings of fame

But somebody's gotta do it

So he does it

And I know, I know, I gotta go

And get back to my pen and ink

Oh don't make me do it,

Don't make me go through it

Can somebody get me a drink!

'Cause it's hard

It's hard

It's hard,

It's hard

It's really really hard

It's sexy but it's hard

It's really hard

Sexy but it's hard

This bar that I'm

Raising to be this amazing!

It's hard,

It's hard

It's hard,

It's hard

It's so annoyingly hard

So unavoidably, unenjoyably hard

It's hard to be the bard, baby

I know writing made me famous,

But being famous is just so much more fun.

You see... What people just don't understand

Is that writing's demanding

It's mentally challenging and it's a bore

It's such a chore

To sit in a room by yourself

Oh my god, I just hate it!

And you're trying to find

An opening line or a brilliant idea

And you're pacing the floor

And hoping for just a bit of divine intervention

That one little nugget that one little spark

Then Eureka! You find it you're ready to start

So now you can write, right? Wrong!

You're not even close, you remember that damn it,

Your play's gotta be in iambic pentameter!

So you write down a word but it's not the right word,

So you try a new word but you hate the new word

And you need a good word but you can't find the word

Oh where is it, what is it, what is it, where is it!

Blah-blah-blah, ha ha, ah-ha -UGHHHHHHHH!

Sir.

Hello.

You asked for information on what Nicholas Bottom is writing.

Our spy is here with the news.

Did he see me losing it?

He's half blind, sir.

Oh, good. Then he only saw half of it.

You see what I did? Ha ha.

Speak, man. What news?

I saw Nick Bottom, I did.

He paid a soothsayer to foresee what Shakespeare's greatest play would be.

That sneaky little thief!

Why doesn't he come up with his own ideas!?

It's hard

No. It is, isn't it?

It's really the worst

It's hard

Makes me wonder why I didn't think of that first

It's hard

Hard to alleviate the pressure to create

It's hard

Hard to do something as good as the last thing I did that was already great

It's hard

It's hard,

So hard that he is stealing from the bard

Well I'll hoist him by his petard

All I need is a clever disguise

Clever disguise

I'll make him pay for those devious lies

Devious lies

Let him do all the tedious stuff

The work that's terribly and unbearably hard

Alright Nick Bottom

I think Shakespeare needs to find out

What Shakespeare's next big hit will be

Cause it's hard

It's totally hard

It's hard

It's totally hard

It's hard

It's totally hard

I've got fortune and fame

Everyone knows my name

I can't help it if it's so freakin' hard