God, I Hate Shakespeare

God, I hate Shakespeare!

That's right, I said it!

No!

I do! I hate Shakespeare!

Why?

I just don't get it

How a mediocre actor from a measly little town

Is suddenly the brightest jewel in England's royal crown

Oh God I hate Shakespeare

His plays are wordy but oh no!

The "great" Shakespeare!

That little turd

He has no sense about the audience he makes them feel so dumb

The bastard doesn't care that my poor ass is getting numb

How can you say that?

How can you say that?

It's easy, I can say it cause it's absolutely true!

Don't be a penis, the man is a genius!

His genius is he's fooling all of you!

But he's brilliant

What majesty flows from his pen

His poetry soars like a sweet violin

God's own inspiration like lightning doth strike him

And he captures my soul!

♪

You should hate Shakespeare!

Well no I don't, I try to emulate Shakespeare!

Well there's your problem! You're so blinded by "The Bard" who's such a pompous little man

Why is it a problem to admit that I'm a fan?

'Cause he's a hack

With a knack

For stealing anything he can

How can you say that?

How can you say that?

The man really knows how to write a bitchin' play!

You wish you could pen one

We wish we were in one

I just wish that he would go away!

Well that's not gonna happen,

Because everyone I know says that he's the greatest writer that England's ever known!

And that's anotherthing I hate about Shakespeare!

Is all the twits who bloviate about Shakespeare!

And how they prattle on about his great accomplishments,

Well la-di-da-di-dah!

And once they start their gushing there's no stopping them

And then it's "blah blah blah blah blah Shakespeare!"

And he walks in, it's "dum da dum ta da Shakespeare!"

He's holding court and they say

"Will you're such a genius and your writing is divine,

A rose by any other name is such a clever line!"

And they're all "ooh!"

And he's all "stop"

And they're all "yay"

And I'm all "ugh"

And I'm REALLY getting sick of it!

And oh, oh, oh, oh,

I hate Shakespeare!

I think by now we sort of know you hate Shakespeare!

Shmakespeare!

The way he feigns humility when all he does is gloat

The way he wears that silly frilly collar 'round his throat

The poster child for why no one should ever procreate

Let me make a shorter list so I can give it to you straight:

Every little thing about Shakespeare

Is what I hate!

He hates! He hates!

He clearly surely really truly hates Shakespeare!

Don't hate!