Chonny's Inferno

Here lies Chonny

You can tell it's him 'cause we put his name on the stone

Ran his showers red hot

Never too good for a potshot

Take the long way 'round to work

When the song got to the good part

He'd try to stay humble, but inevitably stumble

When the kind words rolled in

And his humility crumbled

Always dwell on what hurt him, lament and reassess

Bimonthly sink, depress in senseless, excess mental abscess

Tried to fight the demons that had caused him such stress

At about thirty-five, died of, well

Take a guess

Took his golden ascension

His family and friends incensed with fear and tension

Beyond their comprehension

"Catch ya later

I'm off to see the man upstairs

Let's hope he ain't been paying too much attention"

There was an angel at the entrance

Checking off a guest list

Chonny wasn't on it and was ushered to the exit

But let's be frank

We did expect this

"Excuse me, sir

There must be something I could do ya for

Perhaps a favour, or a fiver, might open up those pearly doors

I'm awfully hard-working

There's something I could do, I'm sure"

Pleading with the angels

While they pushed him through the door

"I said excuse me, sir

There must be something I could do ya for

Perhaps a favour, or a fiver, might open up those pearly doors

I'm awfully hard-working

There's something I could do, I'm sure"

Pleading with the angels

While they pushed him through the door

"All hope abandon, ye who enter in!"

Oh, don't mind the sign, my friend

Its threat is weak and thin

We really only have it there to keep those squares upstairs at bay

We just started a hand of poker

You wanna play?

Uh-ha! Oh, right

You thought we'd have some chained up whores

Tangled, hanged up by extension cords

A hellfire spit-roast main course

With a side of fried landlords

Well, sorry for the fright

But you can't believe all you read in the paper

That hit piece you call 'The Bible'

Was written by the world's greatest hater

(The world is run by evil people)

And yes, of course

The Devil's wrought true wrath upon the wicked scourge

A murderer or rapist best beware his violent force

But here, we mostly dwell in what the fools up there expel

An awfully diverse cast of critters resides down here in Hell

There was a demon cloaked in flames

Putting checks on an invite list

Beside a line of names had lied a guide of signed indictments

"The bright, white islands high would get the boring ones excited

But trust me, man

You wouldn't like it"

"So do excuse me, sir

There must be something we could do ya for

Perhaps a snack or beverage, on the house, from Casa Inferno

There are plenty like-minded folk here

Perhaps they might entice you more"

Winking at the 'sinner' while they walked him through the door

"Excuse me, sir

There must be something we could do ya for

Perhaps a snack or beverage, on the house, from Casa Inferno

There are plenty like-minded folk here

Perhaps they might entice you more"

Winking at the 'sinner' while they walked him through the door

You can run from your demons until you are exhausted

One day, you will have to stop and find out what they wanted

Keep running from your demons, till you are exhausted

You can run to those angels until you are exhausted

One day, you will have to stop and question what they wanted

Keep running to those angels, till you are exhausted

"So do excuse me, sir

There must be something we could do ya for

(I don't want to die) (Shut up you're stupid, just kiss me)

Perhaps a snack or beverage, on the house, from Casa Inferno

(At war with every species, from Dinosaur to Seaweed)

There are plenty like-minded folk here!

Perhaps they might entice you more"

(Please don't let me die) (Shut up you're stupid, just hold my friggin' hand)

Winking at the 'sinner' while they walked him through the door

(There will be no romance)

"Excuse me, sir

There must be something we could do ya for

(I don't want to die) (Shut up, you're stupid, just kiss me)

Perhaps a snack or beverage, on the house, from Casa Inferno

(At war with every species. Veni, vidi, vici)

There are plenty like-minded folk here! Perhaps they might entice you more"

(Please don't let me die) (Shut up you're stupid, just be my friggin' man)

Winking at the 'sinner' while they walked him through the door