Saturday at the Met

Here's one thing you should know about me

My sense of direction is irrefutable

It's a trait that's so innate

That it's absolutely indisputable

I always know which way is North is no matter where I go

So I don't understand why I can't find my way through the fucking Metropolitan Museum!

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I got an email

"Dear Deb, we should meet so I can get you back your book"

Okay, another email

"Dear Deb" (Dear Deb)

We should meet somewhere in public so you won't think I'm a crook!

At the Met museum in room twenty-one

There's a landscape by Monet

You can't miss it!

So I'll see you there at half past twelve this coming Saturday

Okay, first of all:

Who doesn't just say "let's meet at Starbucks?"

The Met museum is friggin' immense

And secondly, the Met's the only place in New York City

Where the traffic patterns don't make sense!

Sure, they've got a map

Oh, excuse me

A "plan" as they call it

But it isn't worth my spit

You'd be better off following breadcrumbs

Through this God-forsaken museum

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Hey, come on, let's go

We've got a whole museum to visit

We should probably pick on the pace

Jason, we are at the Met

The thing that makes it special is

It takes a while to wander through the place

This says to skip this room (Shh!)

Turn left and zoom to the suits of armor

This says that X-rays show

An entire other portrait on the canvas below

Isn't that weird?

How it just... disappeared?

Excuse me, is that a Monet?

That's a Manet

Monet?

Manet!

Gah!

He wanted to come here

He loves it, I know

Look, he's running ahead like a kid in a toy store

And me, I'm here watching him go

He likes the masters

While I prefer wackier things

So of course we wind up

In separate wings

I should go find him

Not leave him alone

But I don't know, lately when he's right beside me

I'd rather be off on my own

I mean maybe I'm crazy

But really, I think he'll be fine

If he goes his own way

And I just go mine

Excuse me, I'm looking for gallery 21?

I think this is gallery K

K?

K

Ahh!

So much for Saturday at the Met

I thought I'd find her here in search of modern art, and yet

I'm unimpressed by Klint and Dali

It takes a sharper eye to paint things like they're s'posed to be

Give me a portrait where a face is a face

Don't give me theories about "negative space"

Why would I care about what isn't there?

Except for where what isn't there is Claire

I wish she'd look at this painting (Look at this painting)

Describe what she sees (How it you swallows you up like a storm)

Is she moved by that column? (Those orangey yellows)

Or maybe those trees? (Still keeping you warm)

Would she tell me she hates it? (How everything shimmers)

Or say something more? (Red and carries you away)

Would it change our perspective from the moment before?

Why did we come here?

I'll never know

It's like the colors in this painting might get lost if he came in to say "Hello"

Hello

Hello

Ready to go?

Oh

Ready, let's go

That stupid email

"Dear Deb"

I don't think I'm gonna ever find my book

I've been wandering around for an hour

Or well, twenty minutes

And I think this was a trick

I've been duped into spending my afternoon

In this awful, crowded, stupid, ugly horrible museum!

You must be Deb!