A Musical

What the hell are musicals?

It appears to be a play where the dialogue stops

And the plot is conveyed through song

Through song? (Yes)

Wait, so an actor is saying his lines and then

Out of nowhere, he just starts singing? (Yes)

Well, that is the

Stupidest thing that I have ever heard

You're doing a play, got something to say

So you sing it? It's absurd!

Who on earth is goin' to sit there

While an actor breaks into song?

What possible thought could the audience think

Other than, "This is horribly wrong?"

Remarkably, they won't think that

(Seriously? Why not?)

Because, it's a musical, a musical

And nothing's as amazing as a musical

With song and dance, and sweet romance

And happy endings happening by happenstance

Bright lights, stage fights and a dazzling chorus

You wanna be great, then you gotta create a musical

I don't know, I find it hard to believe

People would actually pay to see something like this

Let's just say it's a Saturday night and you wanna go out on the town

Got a lady to flatter who might give it up if you don't let her down

You could go see a tragedy, but that wouldn't be very fun

Or a play from Greek mythology

See a mother have sex with her son (uh)

You could go see a drama with all of that trauma and pain

Or go see something more relaxing and less taxing on the brain

Go see a musical, a musical

A puppy piece, releasing all your bluesicals

Where crooners croon (ah-ah-ah), a catchy tune

And limber-legged ladies thrill you 'til you swoon

Oohs, ahs, big applause, and a standing ovation

The future is bright if you could just write a musical

Some make you happy

Some make you sad

Some are quite big

Some quite small

Some are too long

Some are just plays with song (oh)

Some musicals have no talking at all

(No talking at all?)

That's right, there's no talking

All of the dialogue is sung in a very dramatic fashion

(Um, really?) Yes, really

(There's no talk?) There's no talking

And they often stay on one note for a very long time

So that when they change to a different note, you'll notice

And it's supposed to create a dramatic effect

But mostly you just sit there asking yourself

"Why aren't they talking?"

(Sounds miserable) I believe it's pronounced "Misérables"

And people actually like this?

No, they love it, and what's not to love?

It's such a delight, there's nothing quite like a musical

Oh, another vision, I haven't even told you the best part yet

Feel that fascinating rhythm moving to your feet

Whoa, whoa, woo-hoo (uh, what is that?)

Feel your ass gyrating to that titillating beat

(Whoa, are you okay?)

You slap your lap, then finger snap

That's when you know it's time to tap

(Ooh!)

(What the hell are you doing now?)

It's called a dance break

Apparently this happens in musicals as well

People on stage just burst into spontaneous dance

(Why? Does it advance the plot?) No

(Advance character?) Not necessarily

(Then why do it?)

Because, it's entertaining!

Five, six, seven, eight!

♪

Another vision

It's a musical, what ya talk, whatya talk?

It's a musical, a seussical?

No, a musical with girls on stage

(A musical)

We've got snappy repartee

And the women are risqué

And the chorus boys are kinda gay

(A musical)

A true, blue, new musical!

Stand back, it's a musical

Some musicals are very serious

A big, glittering musical, a musical

It's a musical for us

A big and shiny, mighty finey

Glitter, glitz, and chorus liney

Bob your head and shake your hiney musical

It's a musical (it's a musical)

It's a musical (it's a musical)

Yes, I get it now

We'll do a musical

(No kidding)

A musical

What could be more amazing than a musical

With song and dance, and sweet romance

And with a musical we might have half a chance

Ooh's, ahh's, big applause with everyone cheering for us

And for some unexplainable reason

The crowd goes wild every time

When dancers kick in unison

In one big wonderful line

And then you got yourself a musical

A musical

A la-la-la, la-la-la-la, a musical

With flashy style and a big fake smile

A snazzy band, some jazzy hands, I swear that I'll

Cross my heart, hope to die

If it isn't a doozy

Take it from me

They'll be flocking to see

Your starlit, won't quit

Big hit musical!

A big hit musical!