Travelin' Song

Determined to prove everyone wrong

Maizy packed her one good dress

And her two good virtues

And headed for the big, scary city

You take the truck (you take the truck)

To the rock (to the rock)

By the ducks by the dock (aw)

Grab a boat that'll float

Take a donkey to a horse

To a bull to a turkey to a goat

And then you jump (and then you jump)

You jump on the road (you jump on the road)

Till it runs out of dirt

By the Methodist church (by the Baptist church)

By the Church of Christ

Where she got baptized in the Whiskey River

Where there used to be a barn

Before there was a twister

It's a skip (it's a skip)

Then a frog (then a frog)

On a log to a Greyhound dog

Then a bus to a bus and you might need to rush

To an Uber to a train

Got a ticket with your name

And we just touch down in a Southwest plane

(Just touch down in a Southwest plane, oh)

In Tampa

I came all the way through Nashville and Atlanta

Do I send a postcard or a pigeon back to Grandpa?

Tell him everything is beautiful in Tampa

In Tampa

Everyone's a Tina or a Tamara

It's a bleach and platinum blonde extravaganza

Yeah, everyone is beautiful in Tampa

It's not at all (it's not at all)

What I've been told (what she's been told)

The sand is white, the sun is gold (white, gold)

And all the people are so old

Get a tan, take a stroll

Then dip your toe in the Gulf of Mexico

And they all said (and they all said)

I'd lose my way (she'd lose her way)

That this was just a big mistake

But how could I go wrong

With Chinese food and frozen yogurt every day? (ooh, fro-yo)

Every day? Every day? (Every single day)

They got a doctor for your face

And one to freeze the fat away

And one to help you with addictions for afflictions such as porn

And one for corn

And one for corn!

And one for corn (and one for corn, and one for corn)

In Tampa

Between the Botox and the tannin' beds in plasma

Now there's a reason for another stanza (another stanza)

Man, I really should've brought a camera

Some guy offered me something called marijuana

Seems that they've got everything

(That's the reason that we sing)

Because we have everything

They got everything

In Tampa!